"Who owns your life?"

Interesting how themes seem to manifest on a given week. I had noticed that the whole school work thing had lost the allure to the SOS kids. Oh sure they would get out their books and start alright but it was always short lived or met with that far off look of a kid that would rather be somewhere else. The house where I spend the most time has 12 kids, all guys, plus one three year old girl and another that is 16. Otherwise it is can be a high charged, don't give a bleep, emerging adolescent, testosterone filled junk heap. Sure Mma Caroline does her best to keep order but these guys have taken to tuning her out and head back outside to find more mischief. "They are so naughty!" she pleads as she chases after the three year old. Time for "The Papa."

By now I had a clear idea of what wasn't working; my mere presence, reading and helping with school work. True I would play and wrestle with them all during the summer (coming up) but they are now at risk of falling off the educational bus. 'Nuff's enough. One night last week a 12 y/o boy came into the house late for dinner, got dressed down by Mma Caroline, stood there and took it, then ran off to play some more football. Missing dinner was no problem, there were many girls that we only to happy to provide him some food. He's becoming a player, and now loves to rap with his pants on the floor and liberally use the N'word. I doubt he knows how loaded that is.

As he came in for a late (very) supper he was again admonished, ignored it, THEN FED, as this seemed to be the path of least resistance for Mma. Not for moi. I asked him to apologize and he gave me a look like I was from another planet. WRONG. We had a quick talk about respect and asking forgiveness and it went south. To his credit he is a good guy with a testosterone level that is on the rise and to which he hasn't become accustomed. So onto the hard counter went his skinny butt for a long needed "time out" until he apologized. I doubt that they get the minute-to minute, guy-to-guy feedback/mentoring they need

Now believe me I get that, absent coaching, this is unfair. So while he was immobile for a period, and thankfully fuming, I coached him about asking forgiveness and to simply say "I'm sorry"." Want to practice it?" Nothing, and the power struggle was on. I had to leave. I understand that it went nowhere and he went to bed without consequence. I have routinely seen this kid, one of the smartest I have ever experienced, be "beaten" by other house mothers as he adventures into manhood. They are fed up with him and they should be. So into his life steps a guy with a stronger will than his. Might not be a pretty sight....

This week I took him, his brother (13) and another kid (14) out into the middle of the football pitch (a bare field) under the stars. We sat in a circle and I asked, "Who owns your life?" The older two said "God.", although that might have been what they thought that that was the answer that I was after. The 12y/o in question said, "Me." Good stuff to work with.

"Why does He always forgive us?" "Why, no matter what, does He forgive us?" "Because he loves us!" the older two said. The younger was by now in a fat stew. "So why should we ever ask forgiveness if He always forgives?" "Uh, so we'll know?" "Yep and so you can grow to be men." The younger was on the hook and was being reeled in. "It's just that if we don't ask for forgiveness that we will eventually drive people who love us away from us" Even I was impressed with what was coming our my mouth. "All it takes is, "I'm sorry", then it's up to the other to forgive. But in the process you learn to change your behavior, to not hurt the other person."

So we practiced. We sat in the circle under the stars and said "I'm sorry" to the one on our left. I was sitting next to the 12y/o and when it was my turn he gave a curious look. "You're old. You shouldn't have to say that." "Oh, really? I live in the same live you do, not the same place. There are cost for my actions. Try it" Nothing..."Say it man, just say it", he was admonished by his brother. He spat out the words. Then we did it again, except this time I lightly smacked him on the leg. He jumped and I said I was so sorry that I had hurt him. Tearing up, he said "It's OK". OK now smack (the 14y/o) and say your sorry. "He might beat me" "Yes he might but he for sure will do it if your don't say you're sorry. Besides if he does I'll tickle him until he can't move." He love/hates to be tickled especially in front of girls.

Smack,"I'm sorry!" he said flinching. "No problem" and he turned to the 13y/o and did the same thing, stated he was sorry and around it went. After about five rounds and squeals of laughter others came over to join the fun. Soon the circle was about 10 and, as now there were girls there, things began to deteriorate from the male side of things. But as so often happens in life they would NOT let the guys getaway without saying those two words, all the while laughing at, what? Beats me.